Colmes, though that is not saying much.
Hannity is believed to have 666 on the back of his head.
Wants to Hannitize the world, which may or may not be a form of ethnic cleansing.
Hannity began life in the hardscrabble streets of Long Island, where he enjoyed the near-total isolation from non-white people that makes a great Republican. After a brief stint as a construction worker (where he formed lifelong friendships with sailors and Indian chiefs), he started his career in radio at the University of California-Santa Barbara, a school he chose because he was overqualified for Harvard and Yale. There, he showed his dedication to conservatives by saying that homosexuality wasn’t normal and telling a lesbian that he felt sorry for her child, despite being a former altar boy who was very “well-known” by many priests.
After one angry phone call from the liberal media headquarters, the station fired Sean.
The ACLU briefly forced him to take the job back, but he bravely and eventually refused.
Hannitizing America
Sean went on to become Roger Ailes personal fluffer. Ailes was so impressed by Sean’s abilities that he rewarded him with his own show on the greatest network known to man or God: Fox News Channel.
Sean is a founding father of the “Great Americans”, an organization whose elite membership must have a below 10th grade education, an odd number of teeth, a well-cloaked aversion to blacks, gays and hispanics, and a burning desire to sniff men’s underwear in the hamper at the gym. “Great Americans” identify themselves through their introductions eg. “Sean, yer a Great American”.
Sean also has his own show, Hannity’s America, where he lets freedom ring for an entire hour and then identifies the Hate America Firsters and the Freedom Haters in a segment at the end of his show called Enemy of the Week. Chief among Sean’s enemies is Barack Hussein Obama;
Sean is outraged that a black man with money, socialist has “hijacked America,” and strives every day to give it back to white men with money Real Americans.
Hannity doesn’t need a fancy college education or any journalistic experience to be an expert on every issue that he comments on. For example, he doesn’t need to be waterboard, in order to know in his gut, that it isn’t torture, and that following up on his promise to go through the process would only take valuable airtime away from his incisive coverage of Obama putting Dijon mustard on his burger.
Unlike his bald man-crush surrogate daddy mentor Rush Limbaugh,
Hannity has a lush head of firmly bolted hair that generally gives him between 1.5 – 1.8 inches of forehead.
However, the rest of Hannity’s body is completely hairless.
Feats of Hannitude 
Next to Ronald Reagan and George W Bush in Hannity’s opinion, the two greatest American President ever, the two worst American Presidents ever,Hannity has the world’s largest penis, a sure sign that he is a true freedom loving American.
I know this because I saw all three of them having a pissing contest in a men’s restroom once.
Contrary to allegations made by Democrats, Sean does not steal the content of his show from the great American President’s talking points. The president steals his talking points from the content of Sean Hannity’s shows, which is entirely borrowed from the magnificent brain of Dr. Stephen Colbert.
In much the same way that God used Jesus to make America, Stephen uses Sean to provide truthiness to the president’s talking points.
Help For Online Lovers
Find your next completely abstinent relationship at Hannidate!
Sean Hannity Trivia
- • Sean melted down the Liberty Bell in Philidelphia to build the unstoppable locomotive that is the “Stop Hilary Express.”
- Sean has the ability to “Hannitize” his viewers, a complicated process that involves slowly shrinking the viewer’s cerebral cortex until everything in the world looks black and white.
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- Sean received an honorary degree from Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University, which means he’s educated in the discipline of truthiness
- Under Bush, Hannity regularly traveled to the White House with other
patriotic journalsistsassholes, to receive orders directly from the Dubya - As a result of Sean’s incalculably high IQ, behavior that would appear confusing and contradictory to regular people makes perfect sense to him. For example, he claimed in 1999 that he was opposed to the war in Kosovo because he felt “innocent people are going to die for nothing” and that “We’ve hurt the people we thought we were going to help”, while criticizing Barack Obama in 2007 for saying that the military was “air-raiding villages and killing civilians” as harmful to the nation and the troops. To a lay person, aka a liberal, this behavior may seem hypocritical or partisan, but that is merely because liberals lack Hannity’s in depth nuances of the nature of the Universe.
Hannity once ate a whole puppy, while alive, and afterward burned down an orphanage.- Hannity is now Bill O’Reilly‘s falafel
- Chased by an angry mob of Ron Paul supporters while covering the presidential primaries in New Hampshire. This was because Paul and his supporters do not have truthiness glands and to stay alive must try to maul the biggest one close to them.
- Sean Hannity will not sit there and listen to your talking points.
- He was only at the Bunny Ranch to find out how to get away from there.
External Sources
Intelligent people don’t tune in.
Childhood
His Grand Parents were Irish immigrants, he may have had a horrible relationship with them as he seems to hate all current immigrants to the United Staes.
He was born and raised in New York City and everyone made fun of him for being a complete dumb ass. As everyone in New York City is liberal Hannity decided to become a Conservative. During this time he may have began to enjoy watching others endure horrific pain or strife. He dropped out of two colleges and remains an uneducated idiot.
Career
Hannity does his best "Chris Lee" Impression
He hosted a radio show where he was kicked off for saying to a Lesbian “I feel sorry for your child”. KCSB (where he worked) gave him the boot for discrimination. He was considered a horrible slime bag. Thus he went to Fox News, where he was greeted with open arms.
On his show Hannity parodies Conservatives. He acts completely unaware of major laws in America and says insane things such as“It doesn’t say anywhere in the Constitution this idea of the separation of church and state.”Although on his show he maintains that he is completely serious this is doubtful and he most likely is doing this for dramatic effect. I mean come on there is no possible way that anyone could actually be that stupid.
On his political satire show Hannity also often jumps on a bandwagon without completely understanding the issue, as a parody of conservatives. A notable example of this is his feverish, fanboyish support of Sarah Palin.
He has also said things which hint that he, Bill O’ Reilly, and Glenn Beck often masturbate to her picture. His satire persona also stereotypes other conservative actions, such as belief that John McCain is automatically going to make an excellent president because he is a former war veteran. A notable example of his election parody is his crying when Barack Obama was elected.
Hannity most often parodies Republicans who still like George W Bush.
He often carries an unwavering belief that no matter how many horrific mistakes that the President makes we must stick with him or we are terrorists.
Many think that this is a satire of Bill O’ Reilly. In addition he satires the Republican thought that going to church automatically makes you a good person.
“Let me be straight with you – I like George Bush. I think he’s a man of principle, a man of faith. I think he’s got a backbone of steel and he’s a real, genuine, big-time leader … He’s a consequential figure for his time. We don’t see it right now.”
Still More (fun)
Sean’s also known as, “That hypocritical douche-bag” or “The Wall Banger” (hatched December 30, 1961), and is generally recognized as an asshole, political novice, and all around fat-necked bitch.
Hannity is known around NYC for being a regular in the video arcade backrooms where closeted homosexuals go to engage in anonymous sex.
Clearly he was only conducting a routine cavity search on that poor poolboy because he thought he was a terrorist.
Anyway, Hannity is often mistaken for a political commentator, due in part to his uniquely dry and oblique sense of humor.
He has written jokes for over thirty thousand different clients, most of which were so obscure that they were not recognized as jokes at all by the vast majority of viewers.
He has been described as just about everything you can possibly imagine at one point or another, except a comedy writer, a fact which vexes him greatly.
Despite his hairstyle, Sean is not a homosexual-he is a closeted homosexual. The twinkle in his eye, the bulge in his pocket and the blush on his cheeks that viewers see when Hannity interviews President George W Bush are optical expressions of his overwhelming desire to toss the Bush Salads. Sean has kids, so he chooses to conceal his homosexuality. His biography was the inspiration for the novel and movie Brokeback Mountain.
Experts at Fox News point out that Hannity’s license plate reads “NOTGAY”, proving that Sean cannot be gay. Perhaps the most convincing evidence against his alleged homosexuality, however, is that gay people can actually dress themselves and think rationally.
Hannity is the product of a recombinant genetic experiment conducted using the DNA of [Ann Coulter], Rush Limbaugh and that guy that hangs out by Exit 14 on the Long Island Expressway wearing a sandwich board and preaching that the end-times are near. We know of his matrilineage because ‘Sean Hannity’ is an anagram of “He’s a tiny Ann,” several have countered this theory, however, positing that Sean came into existence through a botched attempt by US military doctors to create someone so obnoxious they would make Donald Rumsfeld seem -on a comparative basis- like an actual human being.
Although accounts vary it is generally believed that Hannity was created by taking DNA from past CIA Directer J. Edgar Hoover, putting the DNA through a special process to “get all that cross-dressing and gay part out” (clearly a failed procedure) and then injecting the Republican DNA into Ann Coulter’s somewhat “vagina-like” pelvic orifice.
There may be possible evidence that Hannity may be related to George W. Bush due to his squinty eyes which bear a striking resemblance to the former Non-President G Dubya.
Hannity did spend a substantial time in Texas and like Area 51 may have been temporarily absorbed by Bush. Rumor has it that Hannity likes Bush’s famous requests for a “visor not an advisor.”
Other possibilties are that Hannity may be so drunk like so many Texans that he may be in fact adjusting his blurry vision before he gets whirlies and throws up on the shoes of his sometime gay lover Bill O’ Reilly.
Because sometimes Lance Armstrong another fellow Texan and gay-drinking buddy is not in town.
Sean does his best..oh wait, ooops, wrong Sean
Because as all of you know we just can’t all be bicycle homosexuals like Lance Armstrong and Jake Gyllenhall.
They top the hypocritical homo heap!
Sometime in the late 1970′s Sean emerged as we know him today, and shouted his very first words.
It was believed during the early 2000′s that there were two Sean Hannity’s. However, as proven by Stephen Hawking, it is impossible for the universe to contain two closet cases of the same density and bullshit.
Luckily, the world only has to deal with one asshole.
Hannity dropped out of New York University and Adelphi University to pursue his broadcasting career.
That’s no joke; millions of people who receive their moral and economic advise take it from someone who never even finished his college education.
Sean isn’t a journalist, he just plays one on T.V.
He is a New York Times best selling author, which is god damn astounding considering his devout followers are completely illiterate.
His works include, “How could I be gay, I totally fucked American politics, and “It has huge tits,”
“Liberals are complete fags, I’m not,” and the lesser known
“I remember when a man could fuck another mans tight asshole and no one thought it was gay: A Christmas Story.”
The Queer-Eye Incident
Seriously…he who shall not be named (Hannity) wants to insist that he is not gay in the same sense that Anderson Cooper’s cum-spackled ass isn’t gay. Anyhoop……one day on the set of his show that no one watches except for Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity heard a knock at the door of his “office/stage/desk with that kid from Indiana Jones hiding underneath and servicing his hog/idk what”. Who is it he asked! The queer eye for the not so straight guys! For 4 hours they fucked the living shit out of him. He was like, “DUDES!” (he’s covered in cum) “DUDES!!!!”….AREN’T YOU GOING TO DECORATE MY STUDIO!?. To which that faggy blonde replied, “Right now we are re-spackling your asscrack!!!. He hated it, at first…Isn’t he right, ladies?
Life as an Altar Boy
“Oh father, forgive you, you have sinned.”
~ Sean Hannity on after having sex with priest, 1974
A devout Catholic, Sean spent most of his childhood as an altar boy at St Pauls Cathedral Church in New York.
It was while there at the age of 7, Sean lost his virginity to the shemale nun.
The torrid affair continued until Sean was 14 and became “too old” for the job.
Sean gladly recalls those days as “the best days of my life,” and insists that he did all the cocksucking, and the tranny nun closed his eyes and thought of Liza Minelli, he remains staunchly heterosexual.
“Kids these days are always having babies at a young age,” said Sean in 2001, “That kind of thing never happened in my day, especially not in my religious family.”
Added Hannity, “I’m not gay. Not even a little.”
He also appeared in some amateur German scat movies while dressed in a leather nazi outfit. He did this to earn extra cash when he got expelled from NYU for beating up a lesbian who chose to have an abortion after she got raped. Sean Hannity told the disciplinary review board that he was acting for the god, Xenu, because god hated dykes and abortion. There was also some speculation that he was exchanging sexual favors with a male professor to earn a C- in a science class. Hannity acknowledges this allegation, stating numerous times that the rumor is “entirely plausible; in fact, absolutely true.”
Rise to the Top
Hannity graduated in 1980 from St. Pius X Preparatory Seminary high school, located in Uniondale, New York. Hannity dropped out of New York University and Adelphi University. He later decided to pursue a radio career. Although every radio station across America turned him down because he “didn’t know what the hell he was talking about”, he was able to shout at an unplugged microphone until it was broadcast across the world. Sean’s initial broadcast insulted only liberals, gays, Jews, Muslims, minorities, people with consciences, people who use logic, the literate, black people, and rock musicians. Hannity would later resolve to expand the number of people he could insult feeling he was only hitting a small number of the current possible demographic.
Hannity’s dialectical chops
“If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.”
~ Yogi Berra on Sean Hannity
Hannity’s fame and fortune increased dramatically when he devised an unbeatable and universal retort, which is capable of stripping away the disguise of all sniveling, back-stabbing, terrorist-appeasing, Osama-sucking collaborators who dare step into the debating circle with him. Delivered at any point during a debate (or ideally, after the debate has ended), Hannity will loosen the belt, cock a leg, and let it fly: “Why Do You Hate America?TM“Bam! Big-L Liberals instantly catch fire, and Socrtaes himself is spontaneously resurrected just to shit his pants in awe. In fact, since Socrates is a liberal, his shit also turns into a smoldering ball of flame as well. The Center For Disease Control has classified this so-called “Hannity Steamer” as a Class 4 Bio-Hazard, a designation previously only obtained by the putrid jockstrap where Rush Limbaugh hid his Oxycontin.
Artie Lange once attempted to reply with, “I love America, it’s you I hate, you stupid Nazi!” However, this only resulted in half of Lange’s leg being blown off. Hannity then brought out a homeless man with HIV who then had hot gay unprotected ass sex with Hannity’s tight, unfunny rectum. The homeless man then licked Lange’s wounds, thus healing them. This has been called the “The Miracle of the Homeless Dude Who Fucked Hannity’s Tight Unfunny Rectum.”
Hannity has claimed in the past that he is not gay, even though one of his books features a detailed explanation of fisting and even though pictures recently obtained but withheld from print by the Weekly World News allegedly revealed gerbils emerging from behind his scrotum. Hannity claims that he was just doing his part for PITA by providing some poor, homeless rodents a place to live, but an anonymous source quoted in the article said Hannity told him, “the gerbils embolden [my] rectal cavity so puppet masters like Mark Levine may slide their forearms in and puppet me with their Nazi political dribble. It’s a whole lot easier than reading from tele-prompters.”
Hannity is married so people don’t dare call him queer even though his closet-busting is coming and will be celebrated by many of his contemporaries who have a contemptuous opinion of him. The short list to the party is reported to include DICK Cheney, Mouth Latrine, Glen Peckerhead (peck), Flush Limpwrist and some other insignificants.
The menace of “people”
And how we can protect our business interests from them, while still having time for golf.
Hannity has been known to dispel the myths of liberal agenda by bringing Ann Coulter on his show and making racial slurs for separate ten minute segments. Because of reality’s liberal bias Sean Hannity was always at a disadvantage even on his own show where high profile Democrats like Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, and Bill O’Reilly constantly challenge his ideals.
Hannity’s signature catch phrases such as “You have to understand that these people can’t be understood!”, “I am the most humble man there is!,”
“Can I please get someone to violate my hilarious, tight rectum?” and “The most comprehensive coverage on your radio dial!” have entertained hundreds and baffled thousands more with their self-contradicting nature. Some other famous quotes are listed below.
- If these people had their way, we’d all be speaking Iraqi by now!
- It’s this attitude of appeasement and capitulation which enabled North Vietnam to conquer California!
- Surrender is not a defense strategy, especially when you’re surrendering to unarmed refugees!
- I think it’s awful that in this country, any young woman can just accuse any sports hero she feels like of rape without suffering any consequences! I think she wanted to be raped!
- People talk about “hate crimes,” but what about the Bush Haters? I mean, what kind of anti-American wacko would hate such a defenseless, mildly retarded, and completely powerless child??
- The richest 1% of the population pays almost 2% of the taxes! That’s twice as much as the other 99%!!
- Cindy Sheehan participates in “Bukkaki Gay porn Chat rooms”
- “I’m not gay. I just look that way!”
- ” You people need to get real! Just because a man likes a thick phallus in his rectum doesnt make him a homosexual! Nor does his Judy Garland record collection or his affinity for wearing leather assless chaps to night clubs!”
Let Fisting Ring
Hannity started a PAC called Let Fisitng Ring for like minded fisting conservatives like Scott DePace.
Tilted Head
Hannity suffers from a very rare bone disorder (known as Spinal Retardiconservitalism) that tilts his head to the right and often completely horizontal. Often only seen off camera, the disorder has caused Hannity’s view points and words to be skewed and fall off the right side of his face. On the book cover above, the image was flipped to show that Hannity still has no support for the smarter half of the political sphere. Having his head tilted to one direction has often sparked some critics to call him “Slanthead”.
Definition in Websters
Sean Hannity v. The act of inserting ones fist into a Fox News viewer’s rectum without the benefit of crisco. synonymous with fisting see Urban Dictionary. Used in a sentence. Sean Hannity likes to get sean hannitied by Sarah Palin while singing “Let Freedom Ring.”
Sean Hannity n. A term bestowed on others of the conservative faith describing a relation to one of their deities, usually one who has opened his mouth and allowed rancid, Katrina-like sewage to issue forth. Usage: Didja heer what that man said? Musta writ one of the scriptures! He is a true Sean Hannity!—Usage caution: Applying this term to a mere mortal may be construed as blasphemy unless the man using the term has actually had sex with Mr./Mrs. Hannity.
No Known Cure.
Personal Life
Hannity and his Life Partner Alan Colmes currently live together in New York City where they enjoy having three ways with little boys and Catholic Priests. Hannity also enjoys raping kids with Down Syndrome and luring mentally ill homeless men into his car so he can rape them and then kill them and then sodomize their dead bodies repeatedly while singing the patriotic country song Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning?) by the outspoken homophobic racist redneck Alan Jackson.